1. Have a plan already drawn up
If we are aware that there is a strong likelihood that a relapse may occur, then plan for it. Everyone should be involved in developing the plan. The person of concern, the family, and any professionals that are supporting them. Such a plan takes some of the drama away from the relapse because you will already have a well-thought-through series of actions to take to manage the situation. It will reduce stress and uncertainty. We expect the best, and plan for the worst.
2. Offer compassion and encouragement
It is all part of the journey. We find it very important that a person knows that their loved ones will be there, ready to put an arm around their shoulder and say, “Don’t worry, it’s all part of the process; we will get through this together”. Even though there may be a disappointment, we show love and support and help strengthen the person's resolve to keep moving forward. This will encourage honesty and openness from the person who has relapsed.
3. Don’t panic and don’t overreact
Clear heads are required. There’s no need to panic. Stay sharp and focus on the path forward. Use your own support network to help you express and manage any feelings that may come up that can interfere with your ability to stay calm and work positively with the current situation.
Be measured in your response. If a person has taken one drink in a momentary lapse, don’t call a medical helicopter to rush them into detox. Go to the plan you already agreed on (see hint number 1) and implement it. Overreaction is another thing that will stop people from being honest. A person in relapse benefits from knowing that loved ones will be measured and rational in their responses. This will encourage people to come forward.
4. If required – get support
If you do feel overwhelmed, then get some support. Seek out people you trust who have knowledge of the situation or the issue. Get professional support if you think it will help you. If you are feeling alone, then reach out and share the burden. A relapse can put a lot of pressure on the family system. Find a safe space where you can express your own feelings.
Consider family support. We often find that family meetings with therapeutic support can be beneficial during times of relapse. It creates a managed space where people can express themselves, be focused on long-term goals, and agree on plans moving forward.
5. Be hopeful
Hope is important. It’s essential for all parties. In life, we have probably all seen impossible situations turn around against the odds. Often these can be the moments that become turning points. Understanding that a relapse is an opportunity for learning can help us stay hopeful.
Hope is not daydreaming. It’s having a firm belief that change is possible. Without hope, motivation can’t breathe. And without (at least some) motivation, recovery does become a daydream.
6. Be a team
Recovery is not a one-man show. It requires a team approach. Everyone is important. All team members can contribute and offer something. Together challenges can be faced, and nobody needs to feel alone. Here language can play an important role. Particularly one small word….We.
Part of being a team means everyone has a role. Everyone is important. Everyone can support the change process.
7. Create a safe space
Honesty will be essential on the journey. Work to create an atmosphere where people know it is okay to be honest. If they have relapsed, then everyone will understand without judgement. This will encourage disclosure of drug or alcohol use or any cravings or emotional struggles. We can’t overestimate how powerful this is. If a person hides their behaviour or feelings because of fear, this will only encourage secrecy.
A safe space means that you work together to keep stress levels as low as possible and to minimise potential triggers. This can mean people may have to change their own behaviour or the physical environment to support the recovery process. For example, if a person is trying to get back on track after a relapse on alcohol, the rest of the family drinking wine at dinner is probably not the way to create a safe space.
8. Encourage self-care activities
Getting back into a schedule can help to put some scaffolding into place to support a person to bounce back after a relapse. There are some activities that form an important part of a recovery-based schedule. It might include attending mutual aid meetings such as 12 Step meetings, exercise, counseling or therapeutic support, and regular mealtimes. A schedule should be manageable and not cause stress. A normal rhythm of self-care is the aim.
Written by Dean Gustar